When I came back from Africa, I found it tremendously difficult to explain what was going on in my mind. and to be honest, I don't think I even knew at that point. I can remember people around me telling their stories and I would just nod and say, "yeah, me too." I felt like I couldn't get the word out and even if I did, it wouldn't make sense. I even remember a time when I became so frustrated with myself that I cried for hours in C's arms. she gently asked, "whats going on? talk to me." and the only words I could come up with were, "i can't talk about it. and it's killing me." so right then and there we took one emotion at a time and went through what I was thinking. that night started a revolution in my mind. I was able to talk about things, even if it was just a small snippet. at least I was talking. not only could I express my thoughts on my ZA experiences, but I was able to really tell someone how I felt without beating around the bush which was something new for me.
Tonight, some friends and I had the opportunity to plan/lead worship. whilst giving the sermon, I realized how hard it was to tell my story. its almost as if I was back to the days after ZA when I just couldn't speak. I began to feel uncomfortable because I knew that this story needed to be told in the right way. but then I remembered what Anne Lammot said, "just take it bird by bird, buddy. bird by bird." and as I began to speak, I acted as though I was telling C a story. and slowly, the words came together.
I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that sometimes you won't have the words for everything. sometimes it takes breaking down to get things out. and sometimes you just have to take it bird by bird.
so here's to breaking boundaries and taking things step by step, bird by bird
-em
youth according to instagram:
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