À La Sainte Terre: Shosholoza

the way that word rolls off the tongue gives me chills down my spine. the sound of the beating drums catch my heart beat, soon they beat as one. and the harmonies. oh the harmonies make me want to cry and dance in one second. I learned that word in South Africa and it hasn't left my vocabulary since. It means to keep moving forward.

Every moment that passes creates urgency in my soul. It says, "hold on, your time is coming. get ready for the ride of your life." That's exactly it. That's how it feels, like the top of a roller coaster. You can see the drop. you have moments of anxiety, moments of weakness. Everyone tells you how it's supposed to feel, but it's nothing like the real thing. Every day I catch myself saying, "Is this real life?" And it's not because I actually question reality, but more that I am in awe of what these raw moments of life look like. I am about to embark on one of the biggest transitions of my life. I have anxiety and moments of weakness, but I am ready. The only reason that I am somewhat prepared is because of shosholoza. Because I have to keep moving forward. There is no going back after this. I imagine what life will look like days, weeks, and months from now. I picture new friends, new mercies, and yet I am still surrounded by an everlasting God. I will be in a different town with familiar people. I wonder if I'll be the same. If maybe I'll have changed in some way, or if I'm still the girl I thought I was. I wonder if I'll be as happy as I picture myself to be. Or if things will be harder than they've ever been. I wonder what life will taste like a few months from now.

While I continue to dream up life, I look back with every step. Realizing that my lasts are slowly grabbing my heart strings, tugging gently in the night. It makes for a more emotional time than I expected. Mostly, lasts with my youth group. Sure, I'll miss high school. but that goodbye is nothing compared to the goodbyes I will share with my youth group. They are my family. and I've been there for six years. I get choked up just thinking about it all. Sometimes I can't believe that I got so lucky to be placed in such a great group. A group where people encourage you to be unapologetically you at all times. where they understand you, guide you, laugh at you, and love you no matter the circumstance. That kind of group is one in a million. and you can't just say goodbye to one in a million.

So as days wind down, I will hold the lasts close to my heart. when days get hard or goodbyes seem too much for my soul, I will cling to the shosholoza. I will remember that it's only see you later, that I'm only 3 hours away, and most importantly that I am being called into a beautiful hallelujah.

So here's to sweet endings,

new beginnings,

and to the shosholoza.

May I keep moving forward for all of my days.

{Gratitude Lately}
Gratitude isn't hard to come by these days with all of these goodbyes.
And it continues to turn everything into enough.

Im thankful for: