Unpack

Today I find myself sitting at my kitchen table in my new house. I have yet to unpack everything but it feels right to be back in Knoxville. I knew my heart was ready for a new season, but it's strange how sitting here in the place you call home feels when you've been traveling. I thought I'd take some time to unpack my thoughts.

When you travel so much, it feels a lot like all you're doing is packing up and saying goodbye. You learn to live out of your 70 L REI pack and your blue orange backpack. You shove pictures and letters from your tribe in your journal. Your most prized possession becomes your bible that's filled with dirt from so many different lands. 

But when you finally land somewhere for a while, you unpack the boxes. You hang the pictures up on the walls. and sometimes you spend the first week wishing you were still traveling. because leaving always seems to be easier than staying; putting boxes all neat into a storage closet is easier than cutting the tape and pulling your coffee mugs out. keeping yourself moving is easier than sitting down and saying what's on your mind because, just like the boxes, sometimes you have to rip the tape off to get inside.

Living with tape on is no way to live at all. Staying in your brain hinders your ability to connect with others and denies them the opportunity to listen. Leaving seems easier because it doesn't require you to give your heart to another long enough for them to hurt you. But even Jesus had his tribe of 12. and they hurt him (hello Judas handing him over, Peter denying him, and the 10 others leaving). They traveled together, they ate together, and they wept together. They unpacked their boxes with one another. 

All summer I said, "by you being vulnerable, you are freeing others up to do the same." By you opening and unpacking your boxes, you help others do it too. I am still learning this lesson every day as I choose whether or not to unpack my own box. but God is showing me that there is good news: I don't have to do it alone. He gives me courage to rip the tape off. He comforts me when it's painful. He helps me unpack. and then He shows me where to put it all.

What I've been learning this season is where to unpack my things. It would be silly for me to unpack my things at my friends house because that is not my home. I ask myself all the time, "But I travel so much...where is my home?" This summer, God showed me that my home is with Him. His home is safe, abundant, and sufficient. I can unpack all my boxes there. I can hang my pictures. and I can sit down and say what's on my mind. I can stay. 

There's a box in my heart that I haven't wanted to open for a few weeks now. I remember sitting around the breakfast table with staff when I got the text about a dear friend's death. I have felt the pain of the tape ripping off even when I tried not to. Today would've been his birthday and again I feel the tape rip. But today, I'm holding onto the truth that I am home and it's safe to unpack here in the arms of my Father. 

So I'll let the tape rip. I'll let Him comfort me when it's painful. We'll unpack it together. and then it won't just be a house. but it'll finally be a home.

E