Remembrance by Matt Maher
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I have spent many hours thinking of how to write about this past weekend. trying to find the perfect words, i delete sentence after sentence, paragraph after paragraph. each time, getting one step closer to the words that will tell the story of warmth in winter 2012. so ill start the best way i know how. day by day.
friday. a convention center on the outskirts of town is being prepared to hold 2,000+ united methodist youth this weekend. the stage is built, chairs are in rows as far as the eye can see. and i am sitting with my team trying to find the best way possible to blow up a 60 in beach ball. we make a giant light bulb, we hang up lanterns, we watch the lanterns fall for the 9835456th time, we hang the lanterns up for the 9835457th time. we open the xorbies and then we take naps in them. in the blink of an eye, it was time for youth to arrive. the atmosphere is full of anticipation that this weekend will change someone's life. i stand on my chair yelling at the top of my lungs as the entire room joins me in the worship countdown.
3.....2.....1..... here we go.
i am sent into a world in which i have not roamed in a year. i remember the smells, the sounds, these familiar faces. the path i have walked since then has been one too remember. and my heart knows that i am not the same girl who stood on her chair and gave her soul last year. but this was a strangely nostalgic feeling. i keep my eyes open enough to drive back to the hotel where i am greeted by those whom i love, my family, my youth group. i breathe a sigh of relief to be in their presence and then i sleep.
saturday. i arise early and have breakfast with a woman who knows my heart. a comforting scene in my memory book. i make new friends and greet my family as they arrive for morning worship. matt and i sort through box after box checking the equipment for the days workshops. i am tired and i am busy. but i am in a good place. i make it just in time for worship to start. sitting next to tracie, i open my heart to the possibility that megan, the speaker, may open my eyes and wash clarity over me like a chilly river. she speaks of the broken and the lost. i pay no attention. then... she challenges us to write our struggles and how we deal with them. this is when i feel the nerves. my heart pounds and my eyes struggle to keep the tears from falling. she says, "bring it to the cross." i rush to the stage, hoping my group does not see. i look up at the stage, eyes now overflowing with tears, and megan makes eye contact with me as if to say, "dont worry. everything is okay. i feel your pain. i know what you're going through." beth prays over me and exchanges hugs. as i walk back to my seat, i catch megans eyes again as if to say, "thank you." and i collapse into tracie's arms. the day goes according to plan, but i am not the same. i feel different. i see different.
saturday afternoon. i spend my workshop time with Tiffanie Shanks, the spoken word poet for the weekend. I hear her words and they cover me with strength. if only i could speak like this, i think to myself. she has a soul that i wish i knew well. one that i hope to know in the future. the night is filled with mind blowing dancing and laughs. i feel free. i lay my head down to sleep with a peaceful easy feeling.
sunday morning. i spend the morning with new friends. we dress in 1st century clothing for communion. we laugh at the thought of us trying to imitate the disciples. almost as if we are worthy. jonathan makes the comment that he is going to miss me. and i will miss him just as much. sam and i laugh at alex sleeping on stage, but aren't shocked in the slightest. we then serve communion to the masses. we laugh and dance and smile till the end. sheldon and harris give me one last hug before they leave. joseph crams the gaga ball court into my truck. conner, liz, sam, and i help with take down, but of course not without one last jump in the xorbie. the weekend has come to a close.
it has been such an amazing weekend. full of laughs, new friends, hugs, clarity, and the lord. i am so lucky.
"Just LOOK.
Look like I'm looking at you
because I'm not sure you see in yourself the Christ that I do.
you should though."
-T.Shanks
hallelujah, amen.
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the weekend according to instagram:
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