Made By Grace

When I was a little girl, maybe 7 or 8, I had a picture in my head of who I'd be when I turned 20. Of course, I was tall and still blonde. I was beautiful and following God, with some sort of career plan set for the rest of my life. I was at a prestigious university. I was enough. finally.

I had no idea that God had more in mind for me. I just didn't expect that he would draw up an extravagant blueprint of a journey full of redemption, grace, truth, and love for me. I mean, I wasn't anything special. and as the song goes:

I've heard a thousand stories of what they think you're like, but I've heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night.

I can still remember the night He met me. I was mad, confused, and in pain. I didn't believe He was good anymore. and in the dead of night at a camp in nowhere Tennessee, under the same stars that i see every summer now, I heard Him say: I AM HERE. It wasn't extravagant. He wasn't telling me that He was good (because He doesn't have to justify himself). He simply said that He was with me. I wept for hours. Like all things, my trust in His goodness and faithfulness came with getting to know Him deeper in the years since that night. but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was with me and he was never going to leave.

Looking back, I can see that as the jumping point to this crazy journey I've been on. I shed the old and started walking (slowly and painfully) into the new. I started working at camp. I went to Haiti and fell in love with the country. I started dating a boy who loved Jesus. I was baptized by one of my best friends. I chose to attend UT. The boy and I broke up. I started counseling. I learned to love myself for the first time. I had the best summer of my life at camp. I followed Jesus all the way to East Africa. 4 years of deep joy, real sorrow, scary "Yes"s, hard decisions, and walking intimately with my sweet Jesus.

So maybe my picture in my head of my older self wasn't quite right. BUT thankfully, it's better. and honestly, all those things are woven in there - they just look a little different than one might expect. I am tall and blonde still (and getting real tan in Africa). I believe deeply that I AM BEAUTIFUL  - and was made for a purpose. I am not really following as much as I am walking next to God, laughing with him and singing songs every day. My career "plan" is this: to chase after Jesus with all I have and to go where he wants me to. I am at a prestigious university (maybe not in some people's eyes) but my community there makes it the best university in the entire world. and you know what? I AM ENOUGH. not because everyone around me approves of what I do, but because Jesus says I am.

At 20 years of age, I cannot imagine any other personality, any other temperament, any other story, any other scars and triumphs and summits and African views, or any other struggles and gifts than the ones that make me, Emily Ann Heyduck. Daughter of Mike and Karen Heyduck. Sister to Megan Wedding and Molly Moore. Resident of Murfreesboro, Tennessee. Student at the University of Tennessee. Summer Staff of New Frontiers. Spring Intern for Choose to Invest. Deeply loved. Authentically known. Clearly seen. Beloved of the great I AM.

I am the woman I am today because of all of you and God's incredible grace.

So here's to adulthood. to better plans. and to my sweet Jesus for giving me another year to glorify Him.


May grace always be my anthem and praise be on my lips,
Em