Kimbilio

I drink black coffee now. I like my eggs fried and guacamole is the perfect side dish for any meal. I'd rather grill chicken than go get chipotle. I'm more content if I say the name Jesus than if I utter the word "I" in a day. I can't go an hour without needing to look up a scripture to walk me through the lies. I have flashing memories of East Africa on a daily basis and find myself saying Asante more often than I say Thank You. I paint my nails and I like butterfly clips in my hair. I'd rather have healthy conflict than silent passivity. I have a picture of a little boy named Richie as my screen saver so I can remember to pray for him instead of seeing the mountains to calm me down. I don't want to be calmed and soothed and rocked. I want my heart to break for God's people like His does. I want to feel burdened by it so I will act for those who can't. I have a bracelet that I wear at all times: Kimbilio it reads. It means Refuge. As in God is my Refuge and nothing else can or will satisfy. He is my safe place. Kimbilio.

I am not who I was since I last saw you. My life isn't all put together neatly since I went to Africa.  since I last hugged your neck or looked at your green eyes. I'm not better - if anything I'm more messy. I don't want to paint this picture of how hard and challenging life was because it wasn't. It was beautiful beyond comparison. Like me and you - made in the image of a loving creator. You're not the same either with your freedom banner waving high above you - walking like you have never been broken. That strength I see behind your bones isn't you at all is it? I knew it was Jesus all along.

For a long time I believed that I couldn't change and maybe I couldn't on my own. but then Jesus happened. I experienced the refuge of a God full of grace that I didn't deserve. I sat on the top of a hill watching the sun set low beneath East Africa. I glimpsed heaven while taking a bus ride up to the Aberdare Mountains. I understood home when I held Eli for the first time in 3 months. and I was giddy at the thought of story swapping over biscuits in the morning rain.

We sat and remembered that rain doesn't always have to be sad when you're heart remembers Kimbilio. Refuge. Safe Haven. You can walk through it knowing that every step is getting you closer to home. There's no secret, no trick, no point in trying to change yourself. All you can do is rest and accept His abundant grace. It may feel like the weight of your sin is falling on you at first, but before it crushes you His grace is mighty to save. He's already won the battle, and conquered the storms [Hallelujah Amen]. So why fear the clouds when He is our refuge? Why not find the joy instead.

That's when life starts to look different. Things that we're just a concept become easier than buttering toast. You find that God's been preparing you and changing you all along. You find yourself dancing in the midst of rain. You learn that it's okay to have bad days, it doesn't mean you have a bad life. You begin to understand that walking in freedom has nothing to do with how you love God, but everything to do with how He loves you. Can we just celebrate that today? I want to because we're free and there's nothing better than that.

Here's to rainy days, celebrating freedom, and Kimbilio - may you see his unabashed, unashamed, and unending love for you. He's pursuing you and it's time you just relent. Just wait till you see the beauty and joy that's waiting for you. I promise you'll never be the same again.

Emily