As You Are

The words rang over and over again in my heart. Come as you are, as you are, as you are...

As I walked down this dock the other morning, I lost the need to speak; the cold was no longer an issue. I just sat listening to the sounds of the birds flying over head in a 'V' shape. I watched them bend in and out of their formation as they passed by. I breathed in deeply and smiled knowing that someone created all this. What an imagination He had. It's crazy to think that the creator of all this created me. and not just that, but He knows my name. He knows my heart. He cries with me, laughs with me, and sits on the edge of the dock at 8 o'clock in the morning with me just to watch birds fly above the water.  

I think many mornings I get a twisted view of this guy. I begin to think that He'll only be proud of me if I get an A on that calculus test or that He'll finally love me if I do all the things "church" tells me to do. Be a good person. Finish your food. Sit up straight. Dot your 'i's and cross your 't's. And never ever say anything bad. At the end of the day when I'm crawling into bed, I realize that my focus was on that annoying kid eating during biology or how in the world I'm going to fit every thing into my schedule this week. I frown at myself and say Em you better try harder tomorrow. But the truth is, God's not taking applications. He doesn't need me to do all of these things, He can handle that girls heart on his own. He can handle my heart all on his own. I think sometimes we believe the lie that we shouldn't tell Jesus our problems, that we should hide it from him like we hide them from society. but can I ask an honest question? If we don't tell them to him or the world, who do we tell them to? 

There's something comforting about sitting at the foot of the cross each night. Obviously not in the "let me cuddle your dog" kind of way. but more so in knowing the full weight of the words it is finished. He has completed the task. He has won the war. I sit there and I bang my fists against him and yell that it's not fair and beg for him to change me. I tell him all my selfish thoughts and whisper my fears in the dead of the night. Then I sit in silence, much like I did the other morning on the dock, when he says "Daughter, it is finished."

He shows up. Every time.

He even says in John 14: "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

So when I walk through the day with my head down - He will come. When I drink in his grace but forget to pour out his mercy - He will come. When I don't understand why people must suffer - He will come. When I see something I can't overcome - He will come. He will not leave me as an orphan. No matter how selfish, tired, broken, or prideful I am - He will rescue me. Hallelujah, amen.

He never said "come to me all you perfect people, I will give you a high five for being awesome." no. He says "come to me all you weary and brokenhearted, for I will give you rest" (Matthew 11). and not only will he give you rest but he promises he will "heal you and bind up your wounds" (psalm 147). And one day you'll be sitting on a dock, breathing in the morning air when you realize that He really loves you just the way you are and He always has.

Em